The Year of the Sidepiece

Is it me or does it seem as if men are getting more and more sidetracked by the sidepiece?

Not that it’s anything new (cue the celebrities, former politicians, former Presidents and even the drama we’ve seen with some of our own family/friends), but having “secret baby mamas” and sidepieces are like 80’s fashion: it’s a trend that seems to repeat itself. But like they say, not all trends are good trends.

It’s one thing to see it as fiction on television purely as entertainment* but it’s another thing to see it played out in real life. For those of you who may not be familiar with this term, a sidepiece is defined by the Urban Dictionary as “A girl on the side, a girl you call up at 2 am and she knows what’s up, no attachments…” In other words, she’s the mistress or the other woman. It also states that you should make sure the female is fully aware. I know women who are fully aware of their status as the sidepiece and they’re totally fine with it…or at least they appear to be.

You would think most women desire single men, but I’ve noticed that men become even more desirable to women AFTER he’s in a relationship and especially if he’s married. But why chase after something that isn’t chasing after you? Why go after someone that’s already taken? If he isn’t faithful to his wife or fiance/girlfriend, don’t think for one second that he won’t do the same to you.

Some women have become so desperate they’re willing to share men and brag about their status as the sidepiece. It’s one thing to admire and desire to have a relationship like others, but it’s another thing to go as far as trying to share or take what rightfully belongs to someone else. Besides, I don’t know about you but I don’t want something that doesn’t belong to me.

For some, not all, I believe behind every sidepiece there’s a story. That’s not to say that what they’re doing is right, but a lot of times it’s merely a cover-up for whatever they’re really dealing with on the inside: heartache, abuse, hurt, lack of direction from a man because daddy wasn’t there (or even a woman if they were motherless) or lack of attention. However, we all have issues in some way or another but that doesn’t mean it needs to result into this type of lifestyle.

Honestly, some of these sidepieces do what they do for no other reason except that they’re just mean spirited, jealous, conniving and/or they lack a good conscious. The negativity spreads like a nasty virus and directly influences their words, thoughts and actions. They see other females as their direct competition so they do whatever they can to upstage the next one. They look at her car, her house, her clothes and even her man and  think they have to compete to have the same things or will do whatever they can to literally have the same things.  They even go as far as to look at their boyfriend or husband and say to themselves, “I can have him” or “She can’t do what I can do for him.” I’m all about healthy competition, but not if it runs the risk of hurting someone else and ruining solid relationships.

Ladies, quit settling for second best as the sidepiece. It’s not cute and you don’t want the reputation that comes along with it. As women, no one should settle for being his “number one” when we deserve to be the ONLY one. As women, we have to find a better way of respecting and treating each other like we want to be treated instead of acting like immature, bratty, jealous high school teenagers.

What bothers me about this whole sidepiece debacle is that I hear men complain all the time about how the women out here are nothing but “gold diggers,” how they don’t really want a “good man” and how it’s hard to find a good woman. But every time I look up there’s a man who has a good woman but has risked it or is willing to risk it all – relationship, family, job, health, etc. – just to get a little action from the sidepiece. Totally selfish, greedy and lacking self-control.

Quit saying you want a good woman when you’re not ready to be a good man. It frustrates me to see so many of my beautiful, successful, talented and good sisters competing against the scheming, shameful sidepiece. I’ve seen so many long-lasting relationships ruined over a single night of passion. It’s hard out here for the single ladies. Not only do they feel like they have to worry about the women sidepieces, but now there are also men sidepieces; these are the men who are on the down low and keep a man on the side because they refuse to come out of the closet and be honest about their true desires. But that’s a whole other story and whole other blog for another day.

What also baffles me is the fact that a lot of times these men are fully aware of what these types of women want (e.g., money, clothes, cars, etc.), but then they get mad when they get caught up in their mess and the sidepiece becomes pregnant or she even demands more – sometimes even a relationship. We hear or see them in court trying to convince a judge that they shouldn’t have to pay more in child support. Clearly they should’ve thought about that before they went all in with the sidepiece, but I guess they were too preoccupied to think about that.

Guys, take a moment to stop and think before you get caught up. Ask yourselves; is a piece of something really worth ruining your whole relationship? Is it worth your sanity and the drama?  What if your girl was doing the same thing to you? Think about how would you feel if you knew someone was doing the same thing to your mother, your sister or daughter. Furthermore, besides the hurt, pain and drama, do you ever consider the health risks of your actions because whether we want to believe it or not STDs, HIV and AIDS are REAL.

At the end of the day, don’t allow a moment of passion to lead you down a road of destruction. Besides, there’s really no comparison when it comes to a good, loving wife (or fiancé or long-time girlfriend) versus the sidepiece. You wouldn’t dare trade in a rare, priceless diamond ring for a cubic zirconia. Why? Because we all know the diamond has more value and will outshine and outlast the cubic zirconia any day.

If anything, always remember: “you reap what you sow” and “what goes around comes around.”

 

*Disclaimer: I’m a huge fan of Shonda Rhimes and the TV show “Scandal.” That doesn’t mean all of us “Gladiators” are rooting for Fitz/Olivia and it definitely doesn’t imply that we’re fans of “the other woman,” cheating and affairs in real life. For most of us, it’s really just entertainment.

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